If the 76ers were Pokemon, who would they be?
Maybe it’s the 20+ hours I spent over the weekend playing Pokemon Shield, but I’ve got Pocket Monsters on the brain and I can’t get ’em out! So in honor of Sword and Shield’s release, I figured I’d make some Pokemon-themed Sixers content.
This year’s Sixers team and the new pokemon games actually have a lot in common. Both cost a lot of money to make, both had sky-high expectations, and both almost immediately disappointed their collective fanbases.
Here’s who some of the Sixers would be if they were Pokemon:
Joel Embiid: Tyranitar
After being selected third overall in the draft, Embiid provided nothing for his first two years in the NBA. Most fans were ready to give up hope, but eventually he became the player we had all dreamed of. Tyranitar is the same exact way. It starts off as a weak little Larvitar and then evolves into a weak little Pupitar, until it eventually becomes one of the baddest MOFOs in the entire Poke world, Tyranitar.
Tyranitar also has some of the best defensive and attack stats in the entire game, just like Embiid is one of the best two-way players in all of basketball. They are also both badass and I love them.
Ben Simmons: Delibird
Delibird is the delivery pokemon. It carries a sack around like Santa Claus and is always looking to share. Simmons is a pass-first point guard who is always looking to share the rock and give out gifts around the net.
Delibird also doesn’t shoot three pointers.
Al Horford: Omanyte
Omanyte is a fossil Pokemon. Al Horford is 34 years old and in his 12th season in the NBA. Need I say more?
Omanyte is also said to curl up into its shell when attacked by an enemy. Kinda like Horford during the Embiid-Karl Anthony Towns fight.
Matisse Thybulle: Shuckle
Shuckle is small, adorable, and has some of the best defensive stats in all of Pokemon with some of the worst attack stats to match. Thybulle is small, adorable, and one of the best defensives rookies to come into the league in some time, but can’t do much on offense. They’re practically the same person.
Mike Scott: Tyrogue
First a foremost, Mike Scott ain’t no bitch. And neither is Tyrogue.
Tyrogue is the scuffle Pokemon. It’s always ready to fight and will slug a target without warning. Considering Scott’s ear-to-ear grin during the Embiid-KAT fight, these two are kindred spirits.
